i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
