She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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