I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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