Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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