you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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