So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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