Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
