I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
