you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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