Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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