4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
