Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
