i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
