dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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