there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
