hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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