so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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