My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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