My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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