Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
