I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize