I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
