new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
