I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drunk is a universal language darling
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