I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
