I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
