I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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