...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
