That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
