How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
