my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
