Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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