In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
