We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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