She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
