Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I want is dick and wine.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
