and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
