thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"