You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me