I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.