Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
