ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
