Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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