i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
