god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
