TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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