First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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