Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
