It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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