why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
