At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
