I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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