Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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