i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
