highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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