Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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