her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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