The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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