if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This is the high leading the old right now
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
