this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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