doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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