bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
