I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
