Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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