Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
