the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
