sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
