I have demons in me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
