some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think my moral compass just broke
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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